BBQ+Friends+Children= This Momma needs a Nap!

So yesterday was a long day. It started like everyday does around here, I thee Momma gets up first, showers and is met by the fur child as soon as I step out of the shower. He seems to always be worried that I forgot his breakfast or dinner depending on the time of day. Coffee made, bottles prepped, kitchen cleaned, breakfast made, and yes fur child fed and let out, then its time to get the ladies up...normally one of them is up babbling by this point and can be heard over the tv monitor.

What made yesterday a little different was I added more tasks to my already normally long todo list...prep for bbq. Yep, we were having some dear friends come over and I being me decided to make few things from scratch ahead of time, because I just so love the challenge...which I met by the way, and also cleaned most of the front deck patio furniture too before hand...not that Im tooting my own horn or anything....toot toot :)

So the family came and all was going well, four kiddos, four adults and one fur child. Thankfully my friends son who is 5 decided to attach himself to our fur child, so that was awesome, because my fur kiddo will come get me if something goes wrong. And I think he enjoyed the extra attention, for the most part. Best quote between those two was heard as they were both out in the backyard..."Polar I cannt do that, you have four legs and I only have two"...my friend and I just started laughing and went back to dealing with twins and a 2 year old. Where were the husbands you ask?? either around the snack table, which until I asked him todo something my husband was happy to pull up a chair too (loves my dips :))or they were around the bbq.

This was one of our first bbqs with little kiddos plus ours. I soon realized that actual visiting wasn't going to be happening. To much baby wrangling was going on. To my two little ladies credit, they actually did awesome with having two extra kiddos try and "visit and play" with them. My ladies really tried to play back...i.e touch face and grab anything near. Our old bbq's filled with hanging out and catching up with friends was becoming a bbq with a main course of child chasing, baby wrangling and common words of "dont feed him that, get off that, I changed the last diaper", and so on. By the end of dinner where instead of being relaxed, I felt at the end to really need one of these, and I think my friend and even the husbands did too....

Maybe it also had something to do with the eat your hamburger negations that were going on with the 5 year old, maybe it was the toddler who was trying to test out all the chairs at the table, the fur child who was pacing around and under the table like a shark circling in the water or the ladies who decided tossing their toys to the floor so someone would pick them up was more fun...at any rate we visited the best that we could.

At the end of the night came the donations, you see we are happy to except donations of clothing and toys from family and friends.Which my MIL has taken and run with, but that is a whole different story. Because when you have twins money is tight (unless your a lottery winner..hope hope hope) and buying things in pairs sometimes just cannt happen. So whenever friends call and say we have clothing so and on, we say sure bring them over...We have been very lucky and blessed in all that we have received, and feel very loved.

You would think however we would have learned by now on asking before hand how much are you bring...because at the end of the night, our friends unloaded the car before leaving...her husband came in with a trash bag and box, Im say oh thank you and go ahead and put it over there...then he leaves and comes back with another bag, then another....ummmmm.

Moral of the story, ask amounts! My husband says we will not turn away anything free, but then he doesnt deal with it once the "free" is here...so four trash bags and two boxes now sit looking at me...so does the ladies and fur child....when is naptime again????

Ahh, Mommahood.

You complete us...

So the husband is now back onto day shift, and we are currently enjoying his Sunday..everyone is sleeping..but this Momma. Coffee and a little quiet time was calling, plus a warm shower and a pacing dog looking at me saying where the heck is my breakfast, seems to be the motivation in getting your body out of your nice warm bed. However it also seems that as I travel down the road with this Mommas lifestyle I have learned how to become more of a morning person, and I actually enjoy it. AFTER all thee above has happen.*giggle*

The house seems more at peace with the husband being home in the evenings. The ladies seem happier, the fur child is hanging out with us more instead of pouting he is not loved and trying to beg for food from people that live near us... We go on family walks and have family time on the couch in the evenings after we bath and jammie clad our ladies. However with all this loveliness going on, yesterday I had a melt down. Seems to happen about once a month or when things majorly change around me...there where tears, sobs, clenched fists and even long qiuet pauses..eventually my husband got me to talk it out, he has learned over the years (while rubbing his face and head while I'm talking) that if I get it out, it all out, I will then answer some of my own questions and be more at peace again with all the mambo jumbo going on in my head.

I also had the holy crap moment of realizing that although I have been trying to give myself little opportunities during the day to do things for me (painting, cooking, shower) I wasn't really doing something to relieve stress and let out daily frustration. Because you do have it with parenting, we all know this, plus for my situation I was juggling house, kids, dog, everything on my own during a good portion of the day and over night. I have so much more respect for single parents.


Now what happens when you leave things alone, not deal with them, and in my case keep yourself busy so that the days just get done and then your better half is back on a weekend...it boils over.....eventually. And as it boiled over yet again, and my husband began his chant of it will be OK, we will get through this stage, we are OK, they are OK, you are OK...it hits me like many times before, yes we are OK, this momma just needs to take a moment to get out of her office (the house)on her own, face the frustrations of the day, deal and let them go.

Thank you to my husband yet again, for sitting down, rubbing your face and head while chanting the words that eventually sink into my mind yet again as the reminder I need that everything will be OK.

Ahh, Mommahood.

Define Happy...

I was actually going to post about regret, now I know that you shouldn't live with regret, but for some reason yesterday I had a few thoughts of what if. You all know what I'm talking about, the what if I had done this instead of that. I listen to NPR alot during the day with the ladies, it seems to always be on in the back ground. Yesterday they had a story about how a group of people dropped everything and decided to follow their dream of creating a "off the grid" kind of lifestyle...they totally live off the land, even their housing is made to decompose back into the earth after ten years!

Now I'm not saying I wanted to ever go live like that, but there have been a few moments in my life where I was presented with choices, almost like your standing at the fork in the road of life and you have to choose. Its strange times now down these chosen roads Ive wondered what if I chose the other, where would I be, how would I be, what kind of person would I become. During my senior year in college I had toyed with idea of going into the Peace Corp. talked about it and looked into it a bit. Even got the application a time or too, but never took the plunge.

I told myself my parents would throw a fit, their only daughter is already living in a different state all by herself (at the time) and now she wants to go to a different country for a couple of years??? Then there was a boy, who at the time I thought our relationship would go somewhere, so I chose to look for a teaching assignment closer to Seattle in which he lived...and it didn't work out...live and learn. But that is probably thee only thing I can say I regret, not listening to myself and doing something for myself, just me.

OK, well I guess I did discuss regret. But I wanted to get into what happen this morning over breakfast. The husband and I are sitting eating our cereal and talking about the kids (yes I know you can all relate). Well I guess during the conversation a response wasn't to the degree of perky-ness he wanted. So in true husband fashion he says I just want you to perk up and be happy with your life, you never seem that happy anymore...

I sat there looking at him wondering, WTF? You get this from one comment. So we then get into a heated conversation of hey I had twins 7 months ago, there have been many times I haven't been the happiest lately, all due to freakin hormones and the F**KING roller coaster they take you on after giving birth. I'm happy to say I haven't taken anything, Ive thought about it, but the bad days seem to be not as bad as often as time goes on...until your husband tells you your not happy and need to perk up. Long story short he ended up saying sorry after I had a melt down, and yes I know he really meant it, because..

After calming down and explaining that its not always a perking day, but that doesn't mean someone isn't happy. I love my family, I enjoy my life (I know I didn't say love...) and I'm a work in progress in finding the happy balance of this new title of Momma I have been given. Moral of the story... Don't try and fit a person into your own definition of happy. Because that will just in the end disappoint both of you.

Deep breath, a little more coffee....

Ahh, Mommahood.

Secret Language...

I've been told over and over that as the ladies grow up they will most likely have a twins language that they will only use with each other.
As if a switch turned on they are half way done with our 7th month and beginning to babble away. Most of the time they each seem to have their moment to babble alone, while their sister, parents and puppy listen in interest. During dinner time, the husband and I will have finsihed eating, which is normally the time both ladies will begin to babble together. Almost like they are talking to each other...however most of the time they are looking at the ceiling, window, floor, puppy, their hand...

My most favorite time is listening to them in the morning..The ladies babbling over the monitor, with me upstairs sitting at the time, doing a few last minute morning chores or getting a few sanity momma alone minutes with the heavenly coffee:) I bet their are saying something like "Momma we know you are upstairs drinking coffee and typing to your friends on facebook.. you need to get us up and dressed now."

Im already thinking 15 more minutes...ok, 20 more minutes :)


Ah Mommahood

Just Because...

Starting my weekend by introducing my ladies...



Here is the before, a long 39 weeks and two days...



And the after, meet my two ladies, Ms. Ky and Ms. Vi, 7 1/2 months old....



Yep I guess I will keep them, and maybe the gray hair that is beginning to come due to them too :)

Are we there yet?????

This is what it seems like most days now as my husbands work schedule winds down/up for shift change i.e. going from nights to days. It has been a long two months of having him working nights and this momma being it, numeral uno for the adult part of the house during the evenings, overnight and part of the morning....yea fun times being out numbered by the ladies and fur child. But to his credit there are many mornings my husband after going to bed about 4am, would then get up, help me get the ladies upstairs and even sometimes help feed them their first bottle of the day, then even have breakfast with me. Have you ever seen two sleep deprived people eat and talk in the morning??? Entertaining let me tell you.

So as we get close to having Dad back around the house, the next few days in getting there are going to suck ass! yep no two ways about it. We are facing a very long weekend that is backed to the beginning of day shift and has no real day off in between. Which means zombie dad and momma continues..... I just want to scream are we there yet?!??! I would like to get the ball rolling on having the husband "dad" being home in the evenings again. Because the good thing is HE IS HOME AT NIGHT, I have my teammate again in dealing with late night binkie whines, screams of why is she changing my diaper and what the hell is going on in my face, why does it hurt???

Which is all awesome to have my better half to tag 'your it' for things. But the down side is having to adjust to having him back...we have our routine, the way we do things, and now we have to factor another person back in. Its funny, when it was just the fur child and I and my husband would shift change, it took us a few days to get use to having him back. Not sure why it always seems like you have to adjust to having him back, but you do. Its like your re-introducing yourself to this person who has knows you better than anyone else. And since having kids with, he is the one who has seen and helped you with things no one else would have...esp while pregnant and I was unable to see feet, legs, left or right side of my body.

So I'm gearing up for this last push to get my little family of five back together...not sure how cheerful I will be come Monday (thankfully I have beer in the fridge to help) and the husband is officially back to working during the day, but I know my home will feel more complete.


ahh mommahood

Its 5 o clock somewhere...

Before having kids did you ever say I will not be one of those Mommas??
In my momma induced brain, I believe I have a time or two...boy was I stupid. Now granted I didn't know any better, I mean how can you until you have completed nine months of the most oddest, coolest, sometimes uncomfortable and hellish experience known as pregnancy and be given one or in my case two screaming but cute babies that you can take home.

It has gotten easier since the ladies have been home. I don't know if it helps that as each month goes by my husband and I get a little wiser and don't look like total dumb asses now in public...but I can admit here and only here, there are points in this crazy parenting thing thus far that seem to get a tad easier as the ladies grow up (why do I have a feeling Im being a dumb ass again?). I personally do not miss the newborn phase, only because feeding two every two hours and they were not together meant every hour feeding...and you were having to feed a bobble headed baby.

One major lesson I have learned so far, is when your by yourself and need a moment to regroup, esp now that the ladies are teething....having a beer isn't the worse choice to make. So Ive become one of those Mommas. YEP. I have one beer on the nights I'm alone with the ladies...seems to always fall into the time of the feeding right before the baths and bed. And boy does it help get me over the hump and into the right frame of mind to get the day done. We all seem more relaxed. Happy Momma = Happy Kids.

Ahh Mommahood :)

Mommas Unite...

Now maybe its because I was able to get a solid 6-7 hours of sleep (thank you amazing husband, I knew I married you for a reason) or possibly its because I am having fabulous chocolate chip cookies with my coffee this morning...but I have been amazed twice this week in how Mommas come together when one of us needs the support.

I belong to a insanely addicting online mom group...I'm online as much as possible while dealing with daily duties of keeping up a house, husband, fur child, and oh yeah raising the twin ladies who are currently 7 months old. The online group is so addicting, there are times I wish I could do no more then stay online with them all day/night. So as a compromise, I have the laptop on all day with the group page open, and when I walk by it, I check, post, comment, read, cry, shake my head, smile, but mostly laugh out loud. I have become so close to these women, I find myself to be more honest and open with them than I have with some of my friends I see in person.


I'm also lucky to have found via a friend who lives on the east coast, a momma group that has members of mommas from all over my area and or who have lived in the area. I got a crazy idea one night that I wanted to send out an email to the group asking if any of them would want to meet on a weekly basis and start walking with the goal to eventually jog...now I have had that idea in my head for a good month, and it was just sitting there looking at me, saying get off your lazy scared ass and post me, you will never know what will happen if you don't try. Soooo I did, and I was extremely nervous afterwards to the point of wanting to hid in the closet with clothes on my head so no one would see me...however my children didn't understand why their Momma was looking at the closet with new interest...

I received about 6-8 emails back so far from fellow Mommas in the area. All agreeing with me that we should get together to push and support one another in improving our health. So now I have the task of picking our first day to meet and where....I'm still in awe at the excitement they all have. Mommas on the Move is born :)

These two recent examples of Mommas uniting have made me love even more the sisterhood I have become apart of and this title of Momma I now own...

ahh Mommahood.

Ahh Summer mornings....

Have you finally discovered us here in the Olympic Peninsula????

I truly enjoy my early morning alone time where I can sit here at my dining table and watch the sun begin to shine in the windows and across the water...such an awesome site and good way to start the morning. All while enjoying my cereal and cup a coffee. However..............having to chug ones coffee because she hears her babies waking, gets up to fast to check on them and in the process has her coffee almost come out her nose...not a pretty site.

Ahh MommaHood :)

Monsters...

I think every Momma can say at some point whether its during the day, week, month of even few minutes, she reaches her limit. She needs a time out.
Well I think today has been my day. Seems like I cannot shake the annoying monster that brings me down from time to time, that stresses me out, that causes me to want to argue with my husband just because I know he will want to fit it and can't...
There are no quick fixes, just deep breathes and listening to your inner voice that says you will get through this again, nothing is in stone. The ladies need you to put on a smile no matter how tired and burnt out you are. Your a Momma enough said.

The Jig is up...

The other morning I was feeding the ladies and chatting with the husband while he made coffee. We were talking about all the little things we took for granted before we had kids...sleeping it, having coffee when you want, watching a TV show at any time of day that your home, going places just because we can...the list goes on. Not that we would trade the ladies for anything, because it was a long and painful road to just have the opportunity to just have them. But I assume any new parents comes to the realization of remember when.

Well while we were remembering and laughing, my husband then says is that why you spend a long time in the bathroom sometimes taking a shower??? and I look at him like what????? He says well you seem to take a while when taking a shower now, not as long as before we had the ladies but pretty long. I've wondered what you could be doing. how long does it take to dry your hair?????'

I look at him with I have no idea what your talking about, I hurry in the shower, I don't take my time and wonder what else I could do because I know once I leave the bathroom I'm back on duty...no not me....

And as he begins to piece things together, I scoot into the kitchen to clean up from the morning breakfast....not sure what he is thinking now, but until then this momma is going to have to take the small moments to hang up her super momma cape and breathe where she can.

You know your a Momma when...

Your enjoying the few quiet minutes in the morning with coffee and you hear your kids sqeek over the baby monitor...and you go to their room to find them asleep; so you begin to do the happy dance while backing out of their room, because you know you may have another few minutes of you time :)

Happy Sunday Mommas

Teething Monster turns into the Tooth Fairy?? WTH!

Once again one of our little ladies decided that from 1am on she wasn't comfortable with the idea of sleeping. She tossed, turned and whined to the point that my very tired husband was pleading with her at 415 this morning to just go to sleep. Needless to say I got up at 5 and with a little Momma Magic (aka rubbing of head, blankie in right spot) she went to sleep. However the jury is still out to how long, she woke again at 615, due to our smoker detector. Thank you smoke detector for deciding to tell me our battery is low this morning....

Not only did you wake one of my sleeping children, but you scared the crap out of my fur child to the point of him still hiding in the bathroom, again thank you. At any rate with a quick binkie fix and a yanking of said smoke detector, all is currently quiet. I'm now waiting for my other little lady or Twin B to wake up and be ready to roll because its going to be one of those days..

Which leads me to wonder is my little one waking due to teething? or just to toy with us??? Because she is quite happy during the day, no fuss unless hungry,has a dirty diaper or her twin has whacked her one to many times. I stick my finger in her mouth and feel around, nothing. I look when she is in the mood to let me, and again I see nothing. However I'm trying to remind myself that maybe this is not going to be a nightly thing, and if it is for a while then I should be glad that it isn't both little ladies right? Or should I want them both to go down this teething road together and we can all bond as a family in the wee hours of the morning...

All I know is if this is what is going to be known in our house as the ladies teething, I would like to kick the teething monster in the balls and tell off the tooth fairy. Because I think they are working together.

Unconscious

Yep that was the night before last times ten...okay who are we kidding, that happens nearly every night at least once and when they were newborn I think that happened wht...every hour????. Now with that being said, my husband currently comes home from work about 2am. When he gets home he never comes straight to bed, normally he will stay up for a bit and get some Dad alone time i.e. computer, ice cream, maybe a man movie. But I also know that he will listen for the ladies and take over if they wake so that I can get an hour or two of sleep.

Well like most mornings in true Momma fashion I'm up before anyone else and I'm getting myself together and it hits me....did the ladies wake at all last night???? I think they did once or twice, or was that the night before last? I got up right? didn't I? Its mornings like this you know you slept hard, but it still freaks me out that I can't remember if what happen was truly the night before or a few nights ago. Its becoming a blur of unconscious events! Thankfully though the ladies will not remember me stumbling into their room at the wee hours because they whined or needed some binkie help, because it so happens neither do I.


Ahh the joys of Mommahood.